were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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