pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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