he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
