I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
