Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
