There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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