That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
