i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
