We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
