laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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