They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
