If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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