I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
