She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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