he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
even my farts smell like vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
