4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
