Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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