You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
