I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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