What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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