We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
