CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
