Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
