1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what day is it and did you see me today?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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