woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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