I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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