My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want her autograph on my taint
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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