I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
