Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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