You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
