The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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