By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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