I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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