Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
