im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
