I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
