Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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