Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
