Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
