this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
