If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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