We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
