can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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