I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
