rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
