he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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