just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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