You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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