I am in a vortex of obligation.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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