I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
