haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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