Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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