He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
