he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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