Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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