even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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