shes about as inviting as chlamydia
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
