now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
