i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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