I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
