My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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