I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
