I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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