how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
