the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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