I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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