i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
