Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
