I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
