look no pants
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
